Under the Stars
by Love the Brightest Star
Summary: Sirius dreaded looking at the stars. It was a problem of his that no one knew about. But it was going to be cured once and for all, all thanks to a redhead to could not keep her head down, and wouldn't let him, either. Oneshot.
Sirius Black did not like watching stars. No, he dreaded looking at them. It was a fact that no one knew, not even his closest friends.

It hadn't always been like that, though. Once upon a time, when he was really young, he would climb onto the roof of number 12, Grimmauld Place with his brother, and the two would spend many hours watching the little dots of light twinkle in the vast celestial blackness, after which they themselves had been named.

But things had changed. He had fallen apart from his family as his differences with the rest of the Blacks grew, beginning with his being sorted to Gryffindor. His relations with them grew worse and worse, ending with his walking out of his own house, and his name being blasted off from the family tapestry. It was from then that he began keeping his eyes away from the night sky. The stars reminded him too much of his family. They reminded him of his father, Bellatrix, Regulus, and the rest of them; they reminded him of everything he had left behind, everything he was ashamed of being.

He took Astronomy with utmost reluctance, forced to study the subject because he could not ditch it; and he spent his time keeping his telescope trained on Venus or Jupiter rather than setting his eye on even the dimmest star in the sky. No one asked him why he did it; no one noticed. And that was how things went.

Until that November night in his seventh year.

He was lingering outside on the third floor corridor way past curfew. He had taken a detour to the kitchens after Peter's snores woke him up, and then proceeded to wander rather aimlessly in the castle. He leaned against the wall in a dark corner, sticking his head out of a window, breathing in the chilly breeze blowing across the castle grounds. He liked the dark and the quiet; although he loved the company of his friends, he preferred to spend a small time of his day thinking, alone.

He was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of light footsteps to his side. They were coming towards him. He stiffened, shifting further into the shadows, hoping to pass undetected. His luck, however, wasn't so good. The figure stopped near him and tensed, evidently sensing his presence.

"Who's there?" A female voice rang out sharply. "Show yourself, or I will hex you."

Sirius sighed, berating himself for not bringing James' invisibility cloak. He knew that voice very well.

"Relax, Evans," he said, stepping out of the shadows into her view. "It's only me."

"Black," she acknowledged, raising an eyebrow. "I should have known." She looked him up an down, noticing his casual dress and lounging posture. "So would you like me deducting a few points, or would detention be preferable?"

Sirius smirked, keeping his easy stance. "Actually, neither. How about you enjoy yourself a bit with me?"

"Don't be stupid, Sirius," she scolded. "I am on a patrol."

"That's exactly why I offered, Lily. I could show you a bit of the castle's secrets."

She was intrigued. "But James..." The two head students had taken to calling each other by their first names since the beginning of the seventh year, 'to cut out the immature habit of referring to each other by the last name, since we are going to work together' as Lily had put it.

"James is at the Great Hall," he replied, offering no explanation about the source of his knowledge. "He wouldn't know. And anyway, I don't think he will mind if you take a stroll with me for a while."

Lily sighed. "You are just doing this to avoid getting into trouble."

Sirius grinned appreciatively; she was sharp. "Come on, Evans. Someone needs to turn the good girl bad."

He expected her to decline further, but surprisingly, she nodded. "All right. But if we get caught..."

"I'll say that you are on patrol, and you caught me out of bed preparing for a prank, and so you are taking me to McGonagall."

She laughed as he fell into her stride. "You think out everything, don't you?"

"'Cause I'm a genius, madam," he said puffing out his chest. "So, our destination?"

Lily thought for a moment. "How about the Astronomy tower?"

Sirius stiffened; the Astronomy tower wasn't his favourite place in the castle. But he didn't want her to consider him a coward, or doubt his sanity.

"Astronomy tower it is, then," he said with a forced grin.

"Nice choice for breaking rules, Miss Evans."

"Oh, don't remind me," she groaned. "I don't know why I agreed to go with you in the first place."

"Part of my charm, love."

"Shut up, Black."

-o0o-

They made their way up the tallest tower of Hogwarts and settled down on the parapet. Lily looked up, her red hair swaying in the breeze, staring at the sky. Sirius, unlike her, kept his head determinedly down. He heard Lily gasp in awe as she stared at the vast expanse of the sky and the millions of stars twinkling at them.

"It's so beautiful," she said softly. "I never got to look at the night sky except for Astronomy." She turned to look at her partner, and noticed his stiff posture. He was clearly uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" she asked. He ignored her, still staring at the ground.

"Sirius," she tried again, this time a little forcefully. "I said, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he shot back, not looking at her.

"Please don't lie, Sirius Black. Tell me what is making you uncomfortable."

He exhaled loudly, and finally looked up to meet her gaze. All laughter had been wiped out from his eyes, leaving them hard and cold. Lily felt as if she was looking at an entirely different person.

"I don't like this place," he said at last. She glanced at him questioningly. "I don't like looking at the stars," he added, hoping she would leave the topic and go back to watching those stars. He was regretting taking her along already; detention would have been much better than sitting here, feeling the stars gazing at him coldly, just like his family. But of course, Lily's curiosity was far from satisfied; one look into her burning green eyes was enough to tell him that.

"The stars remind me of my family. It is a custom of the Blacks to be named after stars and constellations. Looking at the stars brings back everything I left behind when I ran away from home."

Lily's eyes softened; even though no one had told her about it, she had a fair idea how strained the relationship between Sirius and his family was. She had been told by Remus that Sirius had run away from his home at the beginning of their sixth year and was living with the Potters, which explained how the two wizards had shown up at the station together during the last two years.

She put her hand lightly on his arm.

"I know how it feels," she said softly.

"No, you don't," he snapped, feeling extremely irritated for some reason. Most of the people who witnessed the quarrels between him and Regulus offered him pity, and that was something he could not stand. "Your parents are lovely people, unlike mine, and are not always imposing things on you."

A momentary look of hurt passed in her eyes, but she did not remove her hand.

"You forgot about Petunia," she said quietly.

Sirius mentally slapped himself. Of course, he had forgotten about that hell-cat muggle sister of hers; how could he have been so stupid? He felt a wave of shame wash over him for snapping at her; she had been empathizing with him, not offering him pity.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I forgot."

"It's all right," she replied with a wry smile. Her expression became faraway, as if she was remembering some past event. "Tuney... Petunia's getting married next month. Last week, she sent me a letter along with the wedding invitation, telling me how she was inviting me to the wedding only because mum wanted me to come." Her eyes glistened with tears as she remembered reading the harsh letter by the fire in the common room. "She told me that she was ashamed to have a freak as a sister, and ordered me to keep my 'abnormality' in absolute control during the event."

Sirius' hands clenched into fists. How could someone be so horrible to their own sister? On impulse, he put his arm round her shoulder and drew her close, so that her head rested on his chest.

"I am sorry," he said in a low voice. Lily was slightly surprised by this sudden show of compassion by the usually indifferent Sirius Black, but welcomed the comfort, entwining her hand in his. She breathed in his musky scent, and stemming the sudden flow of emotions and memories that had been triggered by talking about Petunia, steadied herself to speak again.

"It is true that I have not suffered half as much as you from my family, but I know the feeling of being looked down upon because you are different. My sister calls me a freak, because I am magical, and I am called a mudblood in the wizarding world because of my muggle heritage."

"Don't," he gritted out. "Don't call yourself a mudblood."

"But that's how it goes. I belong nowhere."

He was about to protest further, but she shushed him by putting a finger on his lips. Now was not the time to talk about this, she felt. She looked at him; he looked more comfortable, with his arms round her, than when they had just reached the place, but he was still keeping his eyes away from the heavens above. She determined to get that fear away from him.

"When I and Tuney began drifting apart, whenever I caught a glimpse of a petunia swaying in the breeze, I used to feel a shot of pain and anger pass through me. I wondered why she couldn't be as nice and bright as the flower. But gradually, I learnt to compare her better qualities to the bloom, I got over my aversion for petunias. Even now, when she behaves all stuck-up with me, I convince myself that there is a flower within her, and continue to love her."

She turned to find Sirius looking at her with a mixture of incredulity and awe. She smiled at his reaction and continued.

"I know that things have not been easy between you and your family, but that doesn't mean that you will keep yourself away from anything that reminds of them. You can't run away from the skeletons hiding in your closet forever, Sirius. When you look up at the sky, don't think you are looking at your family. You are looking at stars, Sirius, you are looking at big balls of fire millions of kilometres away." She paused to take in a breath. "You are a Gryffindor, Sirius. Let go of your fears."

He wanted to prove her right, he wanted to show himself that he wasn't afraid, but he simply couldn't do it. He was ashamed for not having even so much pluck to do such a simple job, but he could not will himself to look up. How could she expect him to stare up at Orion without seeing his father's cold expression, to see the star at one corner of the same constellation without hearing his cousin's demented laugh ring in his ears, to look up at the mildly glittering constellation Andromeda without thinking of his cousin who had been painted black in his family for following her choice? How could he see the bright bluish star in the Leo without picturing his little brother's once joyous face grow bitter and disappointed, and feel his heart clench with something akin to regret, and finally, how could he look at the brightest star in the sky, his own namesake, without receiving a grim reminder of all the high expectations of his family which he had shattered, without thinking that he was but an outcast, whom not even his own family wanted? He had strived to forget where he was born, to wipe out his identity and start again, but those stars kept reminding him again and again that as much as he wanted, he could not change who he was — just another Black, through and through.

"I can't," he whispered, and hated himself for ever saying so.

"Yes you can," Lily insisted. "I know you can."

Without warning, she caught hold of him by his chin, and had forced himself to look upwards. He struggled, but her grip was uncharacteristically firm. Finally, he gave up. She began speaking in soothing tones, telling him how the stars looked just like diamonds scattered on black satin.

And as he listened to her gentle, lulling tones talking about the beauty of the celestial bodies, he began to finally appreciate the spectacle that lay before him. He felt that, for once, he was not looking at the judgemental faces of his family and ancestors, but at just what she had made them out to be — little pinpricks of light twinkling at them. And this time, they were no longer glaring, but winking at him. He relaxed under her touch, and she, sensing the tension ebb away from his body, let go of her hold, and smiled slightly to herself at her achievement. For a long time, the two of them sat in silence, looking heavenwards. And for the first time since he was ten, Sirius felt proud to be named after the brightest star in the sky, as he saw it stand out from the rest.

Finally Lily looked at her watch.

"It's three o'clock," she said. "We should go back." Sirius looked at her with a slight jolt, drawn out of his train of thought. He stared at her for a moment or two.

"You know, Lily," he said with all seriousness. "If I could have, I would have liked to change the name of the brightest star from Sirius to Lily."

Lily smiled broadly at the compliment, her cheeks flushing a lovely shade of pink. But before she could reply, Sirius had crossed the distance between them and pulled her into a tight hug. Lily smiled as the warmth from his body enveloped her, and returned the embrace.

"You are angel, Lily Evans," he whispered into her ear. "You don't know how wonderful it felt for me to look up at the sky in a carefree way once more. I... I don't know how to thank you."

Lily pulled at his hand as she broke away from the hug.

"I suppose," she said cheekily, "you can to that by safely delivering us both to the common room."

Sirius laughed. "At your service, ma'am."

Grinning, they went down the steps of the Astronomy tower, both happier people than what they were when they had come.

-The End-


End file.
